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Thank good you are a man – or not? Different way of drawing use cases

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The sad little intranet

Just received this little poem from an intranet – have fun

http://cibasolutions.typepad.com/the_intranet_professor/2011/05/the-sad-little-intranet.html

The Sad Little Intranet

Alone in the corner
Sits an intranet, sorry and sad,
He asks himself the question,
‘Am I a passing fad?’

Ignored and neglected
Throughout the passing years,
Will I be abandoned
Is his deepest fear

But what can we do
For our little friend?
How can we save him
Put his sadness to an end

Wikis, blogs and crowd sourcing
I can hear the experts shout,
Give him social media
That will sort him out

But what’s this voice I hear
From the humble employee,
I just want an intranet
One that is going to help me

Forget all this jargon
Say the working class mob,
Just give me an intranet
To help me do my job

With forms that I can use
Without the need to print
With automatic workflow
No need for handy hints

A task based intranet
That is what we want,
And we are really not too fussed
About the colours and the fonts

Just give us an intranet
That makes our life more simple,
And helps our organisation
Become one that is more nimble

So sad little intranet
If you want to have more fun,
Start helping all your staff
To get their jobs done

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Öko bei Deutscher Bankführt zu pathologischem Charme und kalten Frauenhänden

Der Artikel in der Financial Times lässt Schmunzeln und Lachen.

Er beschreibt zynisch, was passiert, wenn ein Unternehmen versucht “zu einem der umweltfreundlichsten Hochhäuser der Welt” umzubauen und dabei komplett die Bedürfnisse der Mitarbeiter ausser Acht lässt.

Was passiert, wenn ökologisches Bauen, Ergonomie und Mitarbeiterbedürfnisse nicht unter einen Hut gebracht werden. Beschreibt doch zum Beispiel ein Mitarbeiter die neue Inneneinrichtung: “Das hat den Charme einer Pathologie”. Oder in den Damentoiletten läuft kein Warmwasser mehr – beabsichtigt.

Lesen Sie selbst den ganzen Artikel.

Financial Times: Öko Türme – Deutschbanker in Gummistiefeln

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My Blackberry is not working

British humour at its best. See video on next page.

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Social Media Marketing

Ist in aller Munde. Ist Trend. Alle wollen auch. Haben schon mal davon gehört. Rennen in Seminare und Vorträge. So auch kürzlich auf Einladung der Goldbach Media Group.

Social Media ist ein grosses Gebiet unter das sehr vieles fallen kann, denn das entscheidende Buzzword “Social” beschreibt eigentlich eine Verhaltensweise. Trotzdem werden vor allem Werber nicht müde, “Strategien” und “Techniken” zu präsentieren, wie man dieses “Social Media” zum Absatz von Produkten nutzen kann. Auch die Präsentation von Orange8 (gehört zur Goldbach Gruppe) hatte ihre 5 Erfolgsfaktoren (wie man in Social Media richtig verkauft). Die Wahl der Titel sagt schon einiges über ihre Haltung zur Thematik: Präsenz / Ausdauer / Interaktivität / Kreativität / Analytics.

Etwa anderthalb Monate zuvor habe ich selbst einen Artikel zu Social Media verfasst. Nicht zuletzt um dieser Haltung einen anderen Standpunkt entgegen zu setzen. Auch wir machen mit Brand Experience im weiteren Sinne Marketing. Wir hören aber auch auf den Benuzer / die Zielgruppe. Der Benuzter möchte nicht, das ihm einfach etwas angedreht wird. Der Benutzer möchte, das auf seine Bedürfnisse eingegangen wird. Dann kauft er auch. Entsprechend lauten meine 5 Erfolgsfaktoren (wie man sich in Social Media richtig verhält): Aufmerksamkeit / Transparenz / Aktivität / Selbstlosigkeit / Authenzität.

Lesen Sie den ganzen Artikel: Die fünf Erfolgsfaktoren für Social Media Marketing

Davon abgesehen wurde im “Seminar” nicht viel neues Präsentiert, da es hauptsächlich um Grundlagen ging. Dass ein Bedürfnis dafür da ist zeigten Fragen aus dem Publikum, wie: “Und was macht man, wenn Facebook in unserem Unternehmen gesperrt ist?” und Antworten wie “iPhone?”. Ich persönlich finde ja, ein Unternehmen, das Facebook für seine Mitarbeiter sperrt, hat Social Media grundsätzlich noch nicht verstanden und sollte sich hüten, darin werben zu wollen. Aber das ist nur meine Meinung.

Noch etwas Lustiges, das mir aus dem “Seminar” geblieben ist zum Schluss: Der Sprecher hält einen Vortrag über Social Media, bittet das Publikum aber: “Schreiben Sie sich diese tolle Virale Kampagne auf”. Tatsächlich. “Ich schicke den Interessierten den Link per Mail”, “Sie finden den Link in meinem letzten Twitter-Post” oder “Sie können die Präsentation in unserem Blog downloaden” wäre dann doch zuviel 2.0 gewesen. Hier nun, zu aktuellen Geschehnissen, einer der Links zum schmunzeln: BP Spills Coffee

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Font Conference – on fonts and branding

How the choice of a font will influence the perception of your brand.

A witty visualisation – have fun.

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Bill Gates on usability: His personal Windows’ experience

Todd Bishop published in his “Microsoft Blog” http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/microsoft/archives/141821.asp an e-mail, which Bill Gates wrote after having a very frustrating experience trying to download “Moviemaker”.

The internal e-mails have been turned over in the antitrust suits against the company.

So we only can wonder: “Why did he not have a stronger impact on usability issues and who will promote usability after he is leaving the day to day life at Microsoft?

usability_bill_gates.jpg
Image Source:

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/

images/gateswinmcnameegetty.jpg

This e-mail is from 2003:

—- Original Message —-

From: Bill Gates
Sent: Wednesday, January 15, 2003 10:05 AM
To: Jim Allchin
Cc: Chris Jones (WINDOWS); Bharat Shah (NT); Joe Peterson; Will Poole; Brian Valentine; Anoop Gupta (RESEARCH)
Subject: Windows Usability Systematic degradation flame

I am quite disappointed at how Windows Usability has been going backwards and the program management groups don’t drive usability issues.

Let me give you my experience from yesterday.

I decided to download (Moviemaker) and buy the Digital Plus pack … so I went to Microsoft.com. They have a download place so I went there.

The first 5 times I used the site it timed out while trying to bring up the download page. Then after an 8 second delay I got it to come up.

This site is so slow it is unusable.

It wasn’t in the top 5 so I expanded the other 45.

These 45 names are totally confusing. These names make stuff like: C:\Documents and Settings\billg\My Documents\My Pictures seem clear.

They are not filtered by the system … and so many of the things are strange.

I tried scoping to Media stuff. Still no moviemaker. I typed in movie. Nothing. I typed in movie maker. Nothing.

So I gave up and sent mail to Amir saying – where is this Moviemaker download? Does it exist?

So they told me that using the download page to download something was not something they anticipated.

They told me to go to the main page search button and type movie maker (not moviemaker!).

I tried that. The site was pathetically slow but after 6 seconds of waiting up it came.

I thought for sure now I would see a button to just go do the download.

In fact it is more like a puzzle that you get to solve. It told me to go to Windows Update and do a bunch of incantations.

This struck me as completely odd. Why should I have to go somewhere else and do a scan to download moviemaker?

So I went to Windows update. Windows Update decides I need to download a bunch of controls. (Not) just once but multiple times where I get to see weird dialog boxes.

Doesn’t Windows update know some key to talk to Windows?

Then I did the scan. This took quite some time and I was told it was critical for me to download 17megs of stuff.

This is after I was told we were doing delta patches to things but instead just to get 6 things that are labeled in the SCARIEST possible way I had to download 17meg.

So I did the download. That part was fast. Then it wanted to do an install. This took 6 minutes and the machine was so slow I couldn’t use it for anything else during this time.

What the heck is going on during those 6 minutes? That is crazy. This is after the download was finished.

Then it told me to reboot my machine. Why should I do that? I reboot every night — why should I reboot at that time?

So I did the reboot because it INSISTED on it. Of course that meant completely getting rid of all my Outlook state.

So I got back up and running and went to Windows Updale again. I forgot why I was in Windows Update at all since all I wanted was to get Moviemaker.

So I went back to Microsoft.com and looked at the instructions. I have to click on a folder called WindowsXP. Why should I do that? Windows Update knows I am on Windows XP.

What does it mean to have to click on that folder? So I get a bunch of confusing stuff but sure enough one of them is Moviemaker.

So I do the download. The download is fast but the Install takes many minutes. Amazing how slow this thing is.

At some point I get told I need to go get Windows Media Series 9 to download.

So I decide I will go do that. This time I get dialogs saying things like “Open” or “Save”. No guidance in the instructions which to do. I have no clue which to do.

The download is fast and the install takes 7 minutes for this thing.

So now I think I am going to have Moviemaker. I go to my add/remove programs place to make sure it is there.

It is not there.

What is there? The following garbage is there. Microsoft Autoupdate Exclusive test package, Microsoft Autoupdate Reboot test package, Microsoft Autoupdate testpackage1. Microsoft AUtoupdate testpackage2, Microsoft Autoupdate Test package3.

Someone decided to trash the one part of Windows that was usable? The file system is no longer usable. The registry is not usable. This program listing was one sane place but now it is all crapped up.

But that is just the start of the crap. Later I have listed things like Windows XP Hotfix see Q329048 for more information. What is Q329048? Why are these series of patches listed here? Some of the patches just things like Q810655 instead of saying see Q329048 for more information.

What an absolute mess.

Moviemaker is just not there at all.

So I give up on Moviemaker and decide to download the Digital Plus Package.

I get told I need to go enter a bunch of information about myself.

I enter it all in and because it decides I have mistyped something I have to try again. Of course it has cleared out most of what I typed.

I try (typing) the right stuff in 5 times and it just keeps clearing things out for me to type them in again.

So after more than an hour of craziness and making my programs list garbage and being scared and seeing that Microsoft.com is a terrible website I haven’t run Moviemaker and I haven’t got the plus package.

The lack of attention to usability represented by these experiences blows my mind. I thought we had reached a low with Windows Network places or the messages I get when I try to use 802.11. (don’t you just love that root certificate message?)

When I really get to use the stuff I am sure I will have more feedback.

When Todd asked Bill Gates about the e-mail last week while conducting an interview, Bill answered:

“There’s not a day that I don’t send a piece of e-mail … like that piece of e-mail. That’s my job.”

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Installing a husband

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in
theflower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply
crashesthe system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
butto no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while

Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download
Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that
application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please
note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the
Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus
in the background that will eventually seize control of all your
system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

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What happens to your brand when you don’t focus

It is so true. I have been sitting in meetings like that myself. This happens often, when too many have a say. Then you start compromising and compromising and adding and adding and loosing focus. You never can please everybody.

In the end it is one big wishy washy about everything and nothing.
You want to stand out? Focus on the essentials.

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